My Dearest Brother,

My heart broke the day you died. Truth be told, I stayed home for a week crying because everything reminded me of you; songs on the radio, clothes, pictures, movies. I've never cried like that before. The pain of losing you hurt like nothing I've ever felt. 

I foolishly Googled the accident, torturing  myself by watching the news footage over and over again. This compounded the grief and pain. But it's all I had to bring me closure; I needed to see it. 

It's been two years and I still miss you everyday. You were the first best friend I ever had. And as such, your job was to remember the things about our childhood I forgot; now it feels like all those memories were cremated with you. 

I'm so sorry that we hadn't spoken in months. I meant to call. I knew you were having a hard time, but I let life get in the way of my sisterly duties. I will forever regret not making that call. I thought we had time. Time to catch up. 

Despite our distance and disconnect, I know you knew I loved you.  I have never thanked you for being in my life, I’d like to take the opportunity to do that now.

Thank you for teaching me to ride a bike, skateboard and climb mango trees.

Thank you for putting together our backyard Michael Jackson performances when we were kids.

Thank you for helping me meet Billy Dee Williams. Remember how I told everyone I’d never wash my hand again when he kissed it?

Thank you for trying to teach me to dance, despite the fact that you knew I had no rhythm.

Thank you schooling me on the ways of men and for never being too busy to talk or give me advice on the subject. 

Thank you for being a genuine, kindhearted and forgiving man.

You had a knack for changing the mood of a room with just a simple hello, your infectious laugh and enthusiasm. I called your cell phone, after your death, hundreds of times just to hear that emotion in your voice because I missed the sound of it so much. 

Do you remember how we would fight like cats and dogs as kids? World War 3. Lol. Oh my God, you were an annoying kid. Black eye for you. Black eye for me. Spankings from Mommy for both of us. 

I still can’t believe you’re gone. My heart is irrevocably broken. I miss you immensely because I had the greatest big brother. 

Thank you for being a best friend to our Mom. Losing you has been incredibly hard for her. She misses her big baby very much. Daddy is heartbroken as well. He misses you more than you know.

I will continue to honor your memory by being there for your wife and helping to care for your young daughters. It’s such a blessing to look at them and see your smile and handsome face in theirs. 

You will forever be in my heart, until the we are together again.

I will love you, forever and always. 
Your little sister.

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